You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
