I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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