Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
there is glitter all over my balls
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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