I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
