ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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