took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
