I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
