great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
