Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
