this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize