hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
