You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
