But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
