i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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