my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
