Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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