I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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