i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This girl is more easily done than said...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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