Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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