you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
