So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
