So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
