I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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