Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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