Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
