not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
