I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
