maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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