just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
