You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
