I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
