this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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