Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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