remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
