did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
