i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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