woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
