I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
