I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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