it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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