When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
