call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
