oh god the rape fog is back!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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