My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize