I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
