Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
