Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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