As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
