i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did we literally take a cab across the street
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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