I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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