Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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