New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
