So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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