remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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