he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize