Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
