I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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