When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
