Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
