first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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