Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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