I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize