In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
