so explain again why im purple
no
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
