If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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