How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
