You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
