I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
