Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
