Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize