Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize