I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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