my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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