OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I cockslap morals
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
