Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
