Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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