and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
