Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
