We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
