mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
