Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
