I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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