he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
