when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
