roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
