I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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