woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
