So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
