escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
