They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
