ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My vagina is officially offended.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
