I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
